Don’t Waste Your Suffering
Read time: 6 minutes
Welcome to My Musings
Where I share insights that have impacted me, thoughts on personal growth, and actionable strategies to help you navigate career and life transitions.
Today: What if your burnout, confusion, or career crisis wasn’t the end of your story—but the start of a better one?
Most of us are taught to avoid suffering.
Distract yourself. Power through. Move on.
Especially at work.
Hit the deadline. Swallow the doubt. Smile through the Zoom call.
Sure - work isn’t all fun and games. It sometimes (maybe, often?) sucks. And that can be frustrating and draining.
But what if suffering isn’t just something to survive through?
What if it’s something to use?
Arthur Brooks - French horn player turned Harvard professor - said something in a recent podcast (Conversations with Coleman, which you can listen to here) that gave me pause:
“The best way you can avoid finding the meaning of your life is to waste your suffering.”
We don’t want to suffer. But we will.
The real question is: what will you do with it?
When Work Stops Working
Suffering shows up in all kinds of disguises:
A career that once lit you up… but now drains you
A job you fought hard for, but secretly dread
A slow-burning burnout you keep explaining away
A layoff or pivot that knocked the wind out of you
A nagging voice that whispers, “Is this it?”
This kind of anguish is uniquely destabilizing - it makes it incredibly difficult to keep doing what we do, and do it well. Because for high-achievers, work is so much more than “just work” - it’s an identity - it’s who we are.
So when what we do stops working for us, we start to question not only our work, but beyond.
It Hurts Because It Matters
Arthur Brooks talks about our culture’s “meaning crisis” - how we treat emotional discomfort as pathology, and try to medicate it away.
But suffering isn’t a bug in the system. It’s a clue. A signal. A summons to pay attention.
It says:
“The story you’ve been living? It might not be big enough for who you’re becoming.”
This is especially true in midlife transitions, career reinventions, and after “success” turns out not to be enough. There’s no question that we don’t want to suffer - but, it might just be what we need.
Don’t Numb. Listen.
Arthur Brooks also spoke about a psychological phenomenon called fading affect bias: over time, we forget the sharpness of pain - but remember the upside.
For me, this was when I didn’t get hired back after my articling year at a Big Law firm. I was devastated. But, in hindsight? It was the best thing that could have happened to me - it opened up so much more possibility and also allowed me to really refocus on what mattered and how I wanted to pursue law at that time.
Over time, the sting of the event doesn’t impact you like it used to - but it did change you.
How Not to Waste It
So, great. Don’t waste your suffering. But what do you do with it then?
Brooks tells his students to expect a lifequake every 18 months.
Uninvited transitions. Career shakes. Identity losses.
But the ones who are practiced at not wasting their suffering?
They don’t just survive. They transform.
A few ways to begin:
The Failure Journal
Write down every professional disappointment that sticks.
Three weeks later: reflect on what you learned.
Two months later: note what (if anything) good came from it.
Failure is still failure, yes. But, what did you learn from it?
Try a Reverse Bucket List
Instead of future goals, list your hardest professional moments.
Ask yourself:
What did this cost me?
What did it give me?
Who am I because of it?
Think of this as your real resume - The one that includes all the things that got you to where you are
Reframe, Gently
Ask:
What value is this pain reflecting?
What does this tension say about what I really want?
What part of me is trying to grow?
Not every struggle requires a major leap. Sometimes it’s slow - sometimes it’s fast. But, see if you can pay attention to what the message is in the struggle - how does the current situation differ from what you actually want - where you actually want to be?
A Note If You’re In It Right Now
Maybe you’re in that uncertain space where work feels wrong, but you don’t know what’s next.
Maybe your professional identity is crumbling, and you’re trying to hold it together.
Maybe you’ve done everything right - and it’s still not enough.
And this moment of suffering, while brutal, may also be clarifying.
So, don’t waste it. Use it to get:
A clearer sense of purpose
A deeper connection to what matters
A bit more courage, clarity, and grace
Want Support?
Embracing your suffering can be daunting. But you’re not alone.
Reach out if you want support navigating this chapter. Don’t waste your suffering. Let’s transform your pain into a more meaningful, honest next step.
You don’t need to know the whole path. But if you’re here, at this edge, this threshold - it’s not the end. It’s the beginning.
