How Fatherhood Taught Me to Stop Lying About My Life

Jun 14

Read time: 5 minutes

Welcome to My Musings

Where I share insights that have impacted me, thoughts on personal growth, and actionable strategies to help you navigate career and life transitions.

Today: Want to see your blind spots? Have a kid.

What Fatherhood Taught Me About Purpose, Attention, and Leaving Law Behind

With Father’s Day around the corner, and writing more over the past year, I thought now would be a perfect time to reflect a bit on what I’ve learned in the four or so years I’ve been a dad (amongst the many other changes that have taken place in the past 4 years).

Not in a sentimental or Hallmark-y way - just honestly asking: What has this experience taught me about who I am, how I work, and how I want to live?

Before I get to those lessons, I want to name something clearly: becoming a father is what finally pushed me to leave the practice of law.

The process of exiting had already started before my daughter was born. But when she arrived - when I watched her come into the world (something every father should see, I should add) - I felt something fundamental shift. A real, biological change. Like my brain rewired itself in real time.

I remember thinking:

If I’m going to raise a child, how honestly am I living? Am I taking the chances that matter, or playing it safe? And if I don’t change something, how am I supposed to look this kid in the eye one day and tell her: “Yes, you can go after what matters. Life doesn’t have to be this hard.”

That’s a hard thing to say when you’re coming home every night exhausted, resentful, and pretending it’s “fine.”

It wasn’t fine.

Now, I know plenty of lawyers who are present, loving fathers. I make many judgments of the profession - but, this isn’t one of them.

For me, the two simply didn’t mix. The level of emotional energy I poured into my practice left me hollow at home. I was running on fumes, and, in both the short term and the long, that wasn’t going to work - for her, or for me.

You know how that story ended. But since then, I’ve learned a lot - not just about parenting, but about myself. And those lessons? They’re the ones I now explore every day in my work with clients navigating their own big transitions.

So, in the spirit of Father’s Day and self-reflection, here’s what fatherhood continues to teach me.

1. Kids are smarter than we think.

They don’t just absorb language and facts. They absorb presence. They pick up on tone, posture, emotion - on whether you’re really there. (Note: This is hard - my phone, amongst other things, is the enemy of this.)

It reminds me of something I see often in coaching: the way people say the right things, but don’t feel aligned in them. Kids sense that instantly. Turns out, so do adults.

2. Kids are your greatest teachers.

They’ll teach you how much you know. But more importantly, they’ll show you everything you don’t.

They teach you how to listen deeply. How to be humbled. How to pay attention to what’s underneath the surface. Those are also the skills of leadership, of coaching, of meaningful relationships.

3. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

And that includes practicing law. It includes leaving law.

The loss of freedom, the exhaustion, the constant change of plans - it’s unrelenting. But in that pressure, something new gets made, each and every time. That pressure of change, the discomfort of new identity, the grief of an old chapter ending - that is something that I know more about now and bring to my work with people.

4. If you want to see what you don’t like about yourself, watch your kids.

They mirror your habits. Your phrases. Your avoidance patterns. Your weird anxieties. It’s wild.

Sometimes your own children become the mirror you didn’t know you needed.

5. Like the universe, kids don’t care about your plans.

Control is an illusion. Fatherhood taught me that faster than most other things in life.

6. Being a father forces you to pay attention.

To your kids. Your partner. Your energy. Your choices.

The bandwidth isn’t infinite. And the more people who rely on you, the more intentional you have to become about where your time and attention go.

This is one of the biggest shifts I work on with clients: moving from “doing everything” to “doing what matters.”

Fatherhood didn’t just change what I do. It changed how I do everything.
How I listen. How I prioritize. How I lead.
And how I show up - for myself, and for the people I work with.

But, always - always - learning.

Happy Father’s Day, to those who are fathers, who had fathers, who are figuring out what that role means in their life. And if you have a father in your life, remember - the change might not have been easy.

P.S. If this resonates - regardless of whether you have kids - and you are itching for a major change - I’d love to hear from you. Or share this with someone who might need it.